Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
