He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
