Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
