She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize