so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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