Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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