Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
