Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
