Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
