i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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