hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
