I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We just shotgunned beers for America
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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