She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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