While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
