Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
