Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
