Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
