I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
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i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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