i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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