just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
false alarm, still single
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
