i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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