we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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