people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
