someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
