that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
