Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize