I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
