I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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