first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
