I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
