Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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