dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
