Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
