Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
