Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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