My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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