It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
