Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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