What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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