i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
