I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
