Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
