dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
