Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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