i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
