so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
