what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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