I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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