She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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