I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
