True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
