I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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