apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
