...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
