I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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