hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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