Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize